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A bit lost

Posted by Arya on 5 January 2017.

I have known my husband for nearly 30 years, we both have always had a tricky relationship with alcohol, I know that I sometimes use it as a prop and a comfort when I am stressed, he worked in the music business and theatre most of his life where the drinking culture was powerful and normalised.
In recent years I have become concerned about my own consumption and have made an attempt to cut down, fairly successfully, but that has made me painfully aware of just how much his drinking and the problems associated with it has increased. I have to acknowledge that I have been pretending for years that he is not an alcoholic when he clearly is. He does not think he has any kind of problem and becomes angry if I even try to raise the issue, whether he is drunk or sober. Our 25 year old son is also becoming increasingly worried since he finished uni and moved back in with us. He is teetotal and has never had a drink in his life… I am also worried about how this is affecting him now.
my husband now has some health problems which may well be related to drinking, his memory is terrible and he can become abusive and angry or incredibly needy when drunk, which is about 4/5 nights out of 7 at the moment,  he is 72 and having some mobility issues too I am afraid he will fall and hurt himself. I also realise that I am thinking of him as a caring responsibility rather than a partner, I feel sad and unsure of what to do. I am very fond of him but I don’t know whether I love him enough to go through this any more.
If I stay completely sober I find him very difficult to be around and part of me just wants to leave, I I drink too I can cope more easily but that doesn’t seem to be any kind of a solution now. 

my father died in December and I realise that is also making me reassess where I am and where I want to be right now.


Icarus Trust
16 Jan 2017

Hi Arya,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you are having such a stressful time right now. If you think it would help to talk to someone who would understand what you are going through please contact The Icarus Trust. 
We are a charity that supports the families and friends of addicts and we offer a free service called 'Family Friends'. You could be put in touch with one of these experienced trained volunteers if you think it would help.
You can contact us on or visit the website
All the best. I hope you can get some support for yourself.

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