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Addict bf and im ill with worry :(

Posted by zoeceleste on 29 June 2016.

Hi im zoe from scotland .
my bf is a herion addict and i have no one to talk to,we met at high school went our separate ways and after many years got back together,i have two young children and he has two grown up kids,
Things at the beginning was so good a normal happy life until i noticed some behaviour changes i kept questioning myself over and over "" but no way could he be hes so clean,up for work at 5 this mans not on herion""" who was i kidding one sat he slept all day got up and went to his works van i peeked out the window to see him smoking smack i went white  with fear i HATE DRUGS i got him to leave my house and told him never to return i have kids my priority ,however he got himself a flat and his 14 year old son full time things seemed to going good till he got arrested for being under the influence while driving his works van i got his son till he came home from jail,he was clean and the amazing man i fell in love with but it was short lived after a week he met an old pal n smocked it yet again we split yet again ,ive lost so much weight with all the worry i dont know what to do i love him so much but my kids come 1st no matter what . its been a rollercoater since he got out jail on drugs off drugs falling out with my friends ,locking myself away not eating,wanting to leave him but loving him dearly ,we both just want a normal drug free life .hes been clean 2weeks and i was hoping it would be like the old times however all we have done is argue i dont trust him hes lost his job all the junkies off the day think they can appear at his flat and he wants me to move it offt such a great worry im in a private let and cant afford the upkeep yet with all my might i try to keep my own house .should i leave him is my question ???
you all know we see the wonderful side of the addict that we hold onto is this enough ?
is the fear of this horrid drug looming over us ever gonna go away ?
im terrified of drugs and what hes been doing to himself :(
i am so proud of him when he doesnt touch anything ,last night he lay in tears wishing he could have a normal happy life and i want to give him it with all my heart but my health is suffering with it all .
please help any info would be wonderful kind regards x


Icarus Trust
6 Jul 2016

Hi Zoe,
It's so hard for you being on this rollercoaster. I do feel for you.
 If you would like to speak to someone who would understand please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that is there to support people like yourself having to deal with the impact of a loved one's addiction. 
We offer the free service called Family Friends. These are our experienced trained volunteers who you could be put in touch with. Maybe speaking to one of them will help you to make sense of things and find a way ahead.
You can contact us on or visit the website
Good luck!

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