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Boyfriend is an addict

Posted by Lore on 9 February 2017.

The first time i found out my boyfriend was a crack addict I couldn't believe it. He has lied to me for more than 2years and i didn't even suspect he was consuming. I found out I was pregnant and i decided to be with him and help him change but it has been more than 2 years and he gets colder and colder. We've argued so many times he doesn't make enough money so I always have to ask my dad or his mum to borrow me some money. About a year ago i found out he was making calls to sex chat services (when i was pregnant) i forgave him but the last few months its been a nightmare. I found out he phoned this people again and downloaded an app to hook up. I confronted him but he really did not care at all, he told me to stop annoying him which is his usual reaction and It is always like it is always my fault and I end up feeling guilty for confronting him. He sees me crying and it makes him even more annoyed. I have a baby he's going to be one year soon and i feel trapped. My family doesn't know and everyone thinks i live the perfect life I am tired of pretending and forgiving him. I have let myself down to the point I was literally begging him crying not be so cold with me I wanted to know if he cheated on with or if he was talking or met people from the app but that was too much to ask and again i was the one to blame. I feel useless and trapped I dont know what to do. He  needs to stop consuming and spending money and he needs to show respect towards me. Im tired of dealing with this but like I said I'm trapped I have not paid rent and I don't have much money to survive with my baby. My boyfriend comes and goes, one day he is ok and the rest of the week he is not happy I am annoying I don't deserve him and blah blah. I love him but I love my baby more that's why Im trying my best to find a way to make money and pay rent and food so I dont have to depend on the little money he gives.


17 Feb 2017

Hi Lore, you have to learn to make it wether he does or not!. He is addicted to drugs and he is also a sex addict. Unfortunately the two go hand in hand. Im sure he is a good person deep down but the addiction has over taken him and he is selfish and self centred to the core of his being. You are caught up in a vicious circle of emotional, mental and physical trauma and abuse. BUT you can break the cycle of abuse. I know because I lived in this kind of relationship. I found help and support with alanon (meetings for friends and families of alcoholics) I separated from my husband when our daughter was 5 months old. It was hard but I have a lovely life now and my husband is sober a long time. I will pray for you! go to a meeting get help and support. I don't know you but you were not taken into this world to be abused and neither was your little baby. God bless

Icarus Trust
27 Feb 2017

Hi Lore,
Thank you for sharing your story which I found very sad to read. It must be very hard for you coping with how your boyfriend treats you especially as you have your baby to look after.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We support the friends and families of people with addictions because we know how hard it is to living with a drug or alcohol user. If you think it would help to talk to one of our experienced, trained volunteers please get in touch. Maybe by talking with one of them you would be able to see a way ahead and find out what other support is available for you.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I hope that this helps. Good luck!

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