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cheating while an addict

Posted by rjs on 30 October 2015.

Ive been with my boyfriend 9yrs and we have 4 children together. The first 6yrs were brilliant and we got on so well then he started using cocaine and drinking...alot! He'd always done it but it had only been social so I didn't see it as a problem, but then he started using daily,  from about 5.30am before work until he  finally went to bed at about 2-3am. He would dissappear for days on end with no contact, and then when he was at home he was just so angry towards me and the children, and would use anything as an excuse to walk out again. He also started lying about everything, where his money was going, where he was, who he was with, literally everything. Anyway this went on for about a yr and then he decided to start selling it and hanging round with some really nasty people, during this time he was out in the pubs drinking, getting other girls numbers and sleeping with prostitutes! He finally came out and told me everything about 2 months ago...this only happened because hes now clean and is attending NA and to be able to follow the 12 steps properly he has to tell the truth. Im absolutely heartbroken finding all this out and dont know what to do now. He says hes sorry and that when he was on it he just didn't care about what he was doing or who he was hurting. He says his life just revolved around cocaine and the lifestyle that came with it. Sober hes a completely different person but im still struggling coming to terms with how the drugs made him behave and if being an addict really is a good enough excuse to lie and cheat?


9 Nov 2015

I  do hope you have been and had a health check given your partners sexual activities. It is important  you look after yourself.
I f he was not an addict would you put up with that sort of behaviour? Only  I  wonder sometimes if opening up due to 12 steps is emotional blackmail to get you to stay.
We hang around waiting for the person we know and love to reappear. But do they

9 Nov 2015

Hi, as soon as he told me I rung the clinic and got an appointment. I dont think I would put up with that behaviour if he was sober no. He says as a sober person he'd never treat me like that, but is being off your head on drugs a good enough excuse? Does it really make you behave in those sort of ways?

Icarus Trust
17 Nov 2015

If you would like to talk with someone who has experience of what you are going through and would understand please try The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the friends and family of addicts because we know how difficult it is to cope. If you contact us you could be put in touch with one of our experienced trained volunteers. Talking things through might help you to come to terms with what's happening and find a way forward.
You can contact us on or visit the website
Good luck.
You can contact us on or visit the website

3 Dec 2015

Drugs change the person we know, and all that's left is the shell....I'm so glad he's getting help, that in itself is a step in the right direction. The truth is everything and working together , you both can get past this.....I truly hope things work out Hunni.....remember the addict has no conscience.....I'm glad he to,d you the truth, so you could make an informed decision about your future...hugs xx

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