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Do I give up on her for my own sanity?!

Posted by sianny25 on 29 January 2017.

I'm 25 years old and live with my parents still, I'm saving up to move out.. My Mum is 65 and has always enjoyed a drink. She is so skinny and hardly eats. As iv grown up I've realised she's an alcoholic, a functioning alcoholic. She can go a couple of days without a drink if she's trying to prove she's not alcoholic, but quickly goes back to drinking stupidly as soon as anything gets to her. She finds everything an anything a drama and cries over everything, if someone mentions something at tea time, she stops eating and says she's stressed now so cant eat any more. She gets up at 2pm and sleeps at around 4am then starts drinking at 4pm-ish stating that its normal because its not morning (but she doesn't get up until afternoon) if questioned, she says she is entitled to drink as she has worked all of her life and is chilling out and 'enjoying herself now' (when she just cries all of the time and becomes nasty and abusive anyway) - so not 'enjoying herself' at all!!! I've cried to her many times and expressed how upsetting it is to see her harming herself and wasting away (from not eating) but she never admits she has a problem. She blames everyone else when she's getting drunk, and says she's stressed cos my dads gone out without her (cos she was in bed all day) and she feels that nobody cares (even though we all show her how we worry and try our best to help) but she always comes up with different reasons to be upset or stressed so we feel that we are never winning. She super jealous about everything that is ridiculous and seems not normal. When you've tried so many times to help and cried your heart out, then got abuse, theres only so many times that you can want to help - im at the point now where I feel I should let her get on with it, and look forward to moving out!


Icarus Trust
30 Jan 2017

Hi Sianny,
I'm sorry to read your post and can see how upsetting your mum's drinking is for you.
If it would help you to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people who are dealing with a loved one's addiction. 
We have people called 'Family Friends' who are trained and experienced and talking with one of them might help you to make sense of what to do next.
You can contact us on or visit the website
Good luck with everything.

4 Feb 2017

Hi  Sianny
You responded to my post. 
I didn't realise you still lived with your mum. 
All the crying and not eating  and poor sleep pattern sounds like there could be a touch of depression there too. Although alcohol and depression can trigger each other. Perhaps when she's sober you could mention you were worried she was feeling low and think it could be depression and that maybe she could see her GP to get some tablets.... If your mum knows deep down that she has a problem it might give her the 'excuse' to go to the doctor.
we're all struggling to cope. It's something that's not spoken about.  I don't discuss this with anyone I know. It always helps me to write on here when things get really bad.  My thoughts are with you and your dad.
Take care

6 Feb 2017

Hi Sianny 
I know exatly how you feel because my sister so sounds like you mum - 
She too blames everyone else and has always got an excuse to have a drink - when drunk she is violent, venemous, abusive, nasty and the slightest little thing can trigger her to having a drink - although she does admit she is an alcoholic but thinks that because she says it it is OK to drink - she too says noone cares but like you we always there for her (although I dont live with her - that must be really hard for you) 
It absolutely wears you down n i do not know how to help her anymore - She is on antidrepressents but obviously do not work mixed with the alcohol - all we can do is be there for them but it is very trying and soul destroying to watch the people you love ruin their lives - my sister has lost her husband of 27 years, her two boys have left her because of the verbal abuse, although her 16 year old daughter still lives with her n i really dont know how she copes - my sister too stays in bed all day then says she has no life and no one care - it is a vicious circle -

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