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Do I have to live like this

Posted by LucyS on 1 December 2014.

Heres my story.. 
I'm 18, the youngest of 3 children.  My mother has been an addict since she was roughly 16.  She would take me round to numerous different houses, crack dens or a dealers houses sometimes we would be away for up to 2 weeks at a time, i would sleep on the couch or a floor or wherever she told me to go while she hit up. It has been 8 years this coming january since I last seen her.  A missing person report was filed but she has been seen wandering the street from time to time by friends or family.  She isn't missing she left.  She didn't pack a bag, didn't say goodbye, just left.  Me and 1 of my brothers were living with her and her boyfriend or 6 years(who is also an addict) at the time, he was not fit to look after us..  About a month went by and then social services got involved because me and my brother were not at school, we were at home waiting for our mum to come home, or if we were at school we were dirty.  This led to us being taken away from his care but luckily for us his mother who lived next door said she would take us.  She is pretty much my grandma but not through blood.  So that's how it went for me and my brother (he is a year older than me) and we still live with her to this day.  But her problem is she can't cut her son out of our lives, so even though I had a better upbringin from the age of 10 until now i have still had to deal with her son.  He comes into the home whenever he likes, she provides for him he doesnt spend a penny on any food, electric or necessities she buys it all.  The only thing he buys himself is drugs.  But still he has stolen anything and everything.  He comes in high as hell, calls me a prostitute, a whore, a cow, says i am no better than my mother, any degrading word you could think off.  He treats his mum the same way calls her everything.  She will tell him to get ou, if he refuses she calls the police but still after everything he says or does he will come running back crying apologizing saying he will try harder, never do drugs again until a month or so and its the exact same story again..  At the moment my grandma is in the hospital critically ill she will be in for atleast a month.  He has taken it upon himself to move into our home because his one next door is in a ridiculous mess, and about 2 weeks before she was taken into hospital he had been sleeping over to help her, i accepted this because she needed it and both me and my brother have full time jobs, 8-5.  But now that she is in hospital there is no need for him to be living with us.  Even though he has not been an angry addict while hes been staying here, its only a matter of time.  And if anything does ever happen to my grandma, i will be wiping my hands with him.  He is nothing to me so i don't see any reason we should keep in contact or be there for him.  She is the only connection between us.  Am i right to feel like this or should i try to help him, give him sypathy and let him try?  Because i have heard so many times that he wont use again he promises.

And still despite this shit hand of cards me and my brother have been dealt, we try to live a normal life.  I dont know about my brother but emotionally i am a wreck, everyone outside my home thinks i am fine, they know nothing about my present or past home life.  I plaster a smile on my face and work hard, people would even say im am outgoing.  But really im not i try so hard to be 'normal' just so i dont end up like my mum or my stepdad but now that ,y grandma is in hospital and he is living in this house im finding it really hard to be normal.


Icarus Trust
2 Dec 2014

What a very brave person you are and how strong to have been able to overcome everything that has happened to you. I can see how  hard it is for you at the moment coping with your grandma being in hospital as well as everything else.
It often helps to talk to someone who may have had some shared experiences.  Icarus Trust is a charity which offers experienced, trained volunteers called 'Family Friends.' If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of these. They would listen, understand where you are coming from,  talk to you and signpost you to any other help you may want.
You can contact us on or visit the website
This is a free service so I really hope you might give it a try. Maybe it will give you some help and support.
Good luck. Keep strong!

Icarus Trust
2 Dec 2014

Hi Lucy
I should have explained that Icarus Trust is there to support people who have had to cope with the affects of other peoples addictions so they will know where you are coming from. 
Hope this helps.

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