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Getting clean - My story

Posted by Think Positive on 8 November 2017.

You are the most loyal, loving, caring, patient person I have ever met and who has the most beautiful of souls. You made me happy throughout our lives together (and still do now) and I am glad to know that the good outweighed the bad times which I created, that caused you so much heartache and sadness. So, you know, I am truly so deeply sorry for the misery that I sometimes caused you, especially the past 1 ½ years. For you to be able to stand by me through a horrific drug addiction, severe depression and with my head fighting 35 years of demons that went unspoken until recent times, you deserve a knighthood...On this matter, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. As for my current thoughts, I will not be falling back in to that place ever again, something in my head will just not let me and I am overwhelmingly delighted with my progress and I have you to thank for helping and continue to help pull me through this. When I finally opened up, this was me truly at breaking point and I found it so hard to cope. I didn’t know what was happening to me, what was going on in my head, I couldn’t rationalise, I knew right from wrong but I could not do the right and struggled to grasp why?! I began failing to be able to differentiate between what was real and what wasn’t real, the illusory thoughts in my head, I absolutely struggled with what was reality. I wanted to destroy myself for hurting you and unbeknown to me, I was hurting myself by turning to a life of cocaine addiction and alcohol abuse. I feel in a much happier place now mentally and it feels amazing, it really does and I cannot wait till the time comes where I am 100% back on track. I want you to be happy so much and I know you will be in time once the hurt of this passes.  We have made beautiful children together, you have been a great step-mum to Mya and I / Mya couldn’t have asked more from you x

I began using cocaine recreationally around 10 years ago, for the past 2 years, my life has been turned upside down. I adopted and snorted a 3 gram a day cocaine habit as well as a 4-5 litres of single malt whiskey weekly habit, spending close to 6 figures of our hard-saved cash. I adopted severe mental health issues, severe depression, tried pushing everyone that cared about me away. I quit my job, I quit exercising, I struggled to interact with my 3 beautiful children… I was truly lost.     

My 4th attempt at stopping - My winning attempt! 

Identifying that I had an issue. 
Accepting that I had an issue. 
Finding a counsellor who specialises with drug & alcohol addiction.  
Being open and honest with my counsellor from the beginning. They are there to help. 
Openly admitting that I had a drug addiction issue to my close family and trusted friends.
Surrendering of my bank / credit cards and any other means of getting cash. I needed to be harsh here. 
Getting rid of all drug dealers contacts immediately!
Getting rid of any associates / people that you call friends who really are not your friend. When I say get rid, I mean GET RID! I changed my phone number for a start and did not give out to anyone who I figured to be a negative influence and I changed some of my social circles. This is a MUST!
In time - Identifying any underlying issues that I had that affected my mood and my mental health state. Severe depression affected me. 
Think positive when admitting to yourself that you may have mental health issues. I found this difficult to begin with, but in time I managed to see the positives, which then allowed me to begin with moving on. 
Talking my issues over with my counsellor and trusting friends is massively important.
In time and with your counsellor – I began to work on resolving my issues. This taken me 8 months of therapy for 35 years of fighting the demons within. 
Think positive in every single thing that you do. 
Surround myself with positive people who are there for you / to help you / who care for you and who do not have an ulterior motive for you i.e. drugs & money. 
Getting back in to routine and normality when you feel ready, i.e., work, friendships, sports, going for a coffee etc. 
In time - I began to smile again, love myself again, being happy again and appreciate myself again and appreciating the people and things I loved before. 
Be proactive as possible.
Only YOU are able to do this, but with the help of the people around you to support you throughout. 

As your general mood goes up and down, such as the things life throws at us, talking is vital, do not hold your thoughts & feelings within. Take time to destress, I found that running (together with talking) helps put my mind at rest. 

You WILL see the world again in colour. 
You WILL be able to get over that high wall that you thought you never could get over. 
You WILL get out of that hole that you think you have dug so deep that it is impossible to get out. 

I am walking, living proof that cocaine addiction CAN be beating and WILL be beaten. 

I love how I can love myself again and you will love yourself again x


Think Positive
9 Nov 2017

St John's wort (a herbal remedy) helped control my mood and depression. 

Vitamin B12 helped with my energy levels.

Icarus Trust
17 Nov 2017

Thank you so much. What a brilliant post to read which should give great advice and hope to lots of people.
Good luck with everything.

19 Nov 2017

This is joyous reading indeed, many many congratulations. You must be so proud of yourself.
This helps me to believe that there is hope for my son too. He has done most of the things on your list, and has just started therapy, finally. Fingers crossed Xx

So very chuffed for you, onwards and upwards

Think Positive
19 Dec 2017

Thank you very much for your comments x

5 Mar 2018

Well done - I hope that one day my husband will read this and feel the same way xxx

5 Mar 2018

Well done - I hope that one day my husband will read this and feel the same way xxx

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