mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli


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A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.

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Is it that bad?

Posted by MB on 8 August 2014.

My 19 year old started smoking cannabis about 3 to 4 years ago. All his friends did it but he got caught by the police and was on a final warning for having class A drugs on his persons. He reluctantly attended a course through the YOT but found the whole experience laughable at 16 and did not learn from it. He managed to scrap through college and got some qualifications in computer studies but has not worked since and spends most his days in bed and staying up late into the night smoking very strong weed. He appears depressed and hardly goes out with his friends or socialises with his own family. He has excluded himself from almost everybody. He has a girlfriend but he often refuses to see her. He has no money(he does a bit of wheeling and dealing on Ebay with computers and gets cash off his father) but will not sign on nor contribute to the household. I am a lone parent and work full time and am getting to the point where I dont know what to do as despite many conversations about his future, encouragement and support to look for jobs he still lives like this. He leaves his mess for me to clear up and eats the food I buy. I have now stopped buying food and have my own fridge. I dont cook for him either. We do not communicate and although live in the same house, manage to avoid each other because I feel defeated and have given up. He has in the past been violent towards me when I have tried to stop him smoking in the house and has trashed his room, so I am ashamed to say, I just let him get on with it now, even though it hurts me to see him like that. Added to which I used to smoke cannabis as a young person and am hoping it is a phase he will grow out of but he seems depressed and this lifestyle seems never ending.  His older half brother smokes cannabis too which does not help when he comes round they spark up but not to the extent he does. I keep asking myself are things really that bad? and will this pass? I don't know how to go about this or how to approach the situation but know it needs to change. I feel quite alone in all of this as his absent father is not supportive.


9 Aug 2014

Hi MB.... i have never posted on here before but after reading your post i just felt i had to reply. Your story is almost identical to mine. I have a son who has smoked weed for around 2 years.  when he can he smokes the really strong stuff.he also lives at home and like you our relationship was non existent.He too has isolated himself from friends and family and see no one outside of work other than his dealers. it has been a very difficult painful road for us. I have learned to separate the addict and my son. I no longer lend him money or bail him out of bad situations. I don't let him smoke the vile stuff in our house (he goes outside ) He too used to get aggressive and verbally abusive . The last time he did it i threw him out . He came back the next day and apologized and we let him back home. after that i refuse to let him treat me in that way and told him so. Next time he does it i will phone the police. Do you have any body to talk to ? I go to a family and friends group which has saved my sanity ! i would try to find a group local to you and i know its hard but go and keep going it really does help. I have been advised by a drug worker that my son probably has un diagnosed ADHD ( he was extremely hyper as a kid ) As adults they are more likely to become addicted as they use drugs to self medicate themselves. I used to feel very angry towards my son and couldnt look at him somedays without wanting to scream at him. Then i became very sad and cried a lot. Now i live my life and leave him to his . In the last few months our relationship has improved he will talk about everyday stuff but any mention of his weed use and he shuts down and wont speak to me for days so i dont try to discuss it with him. i figure that he knows i love him and will always be there whenever he's ready to change. i don't hold out much hope but i continue to love him as moms its all we can do. 
Its been said to me many times " You didnt cause it you cant control it and you cant cure it ! " 
Sending you a hug 
Dee xxx

9 Aug 2014

Thank you so much for your comments Dee. I was beginning to think there was no -one out there! Yes     I am showing 'tough love' but as a single parent he is fully aware I stand alone, so I have taken a stance by refusing to support his habit, but it affects my life ultimately. I have tried giving him ultimatums and deadline, but they come and pass and of course he knows that. Thank you for your advice, I will join the parent support group. I hope it helps. Much appreciation x

12 Mar 2015

reading this story it seems very similar to mine and i am too at my wits end my son uses his anxiety to blame for everything and wont admitsits the weed where do we go from here i dont know just pray iget my lovely son back because he was such a lovely boy take care

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