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It's never going to end is it??

Posted by BlueButterfly1 on 22 January 2017.

My partner is an alcoholic. What can I do?nothing. She doesn't care where she drinks. How much she drinks. As long as she can drink it quickly and often.  You read all the info. Don't argue with em while drunk. But what can I do? Don't enable them...don't sort out their debt etc...we'll I'm stuck. If I don't pay her bills, her half if the mortgage I lose everything. Not only do I pay fir everything she steals money from my bank...contactless  cards get used to buy booze. I hide small change but she has obviously gone through all my stuff to find it. Abusive and nasty. Can't stand to be around her but  have the understanding she has no one else. Even when sober and we talk, she never says sorry. I'll give you wot money I can. Nothing . It's like it's expected.  I'm the mug who spends every waking moment dreading life. I feel terrible but I've even started to think how my life will be easier I'd and when she dies. This fills me with guilt. Just can't turn my back on another human being but can't stand this. She's passed out again on the end of the sofa . Drunk earlier, sobered up a bit. Was nasty and called me all sorts of names. Went out came back 1.5 hours later off her face. The joy of binge drink a half bottle of vodka.  She had a big one yesterday.   The other thing she does is phone for an ambulance. She complains of chest pain ao they have to take her in. Then within an hour she pulls out the drip and runs out. It s so wasteful of this service. I'm so embarrassed the neighbours see this. I can't even look at them.  I'm sorry everyone . There are no answers to this. The only thing people could sy is put yourself first.  In my heart I would live to but she someone. We had a life once. She is a human being. Again, I'm sorry fie this. I just needed to vent. As I have no one else to say this to.


29 Jan 2017

I feel so sorry for you, this sounds like what my dad has to put up with! I have recently posted "do I give up on her for my own sanity"... I live with my parents and my mum is an alcoholic, my poor dad has been married to her for 40 years and he just puts up with her, all he gets is abuse from her! We all say that we cant understand how he deals with it and tell him to leave her! - He always says 'how can I do that to her!' but we always say, you have to think of yourself. I think he is also waiting for my mum to die to be honest, its such a sad situation :( .. if you left her do you think it would give her a 'kick up the bum' or??? I don't know what to suggest as its so easy to give advice, but so hard to take it. Have you tried sitting down with her and explaining how upset it makes you, there are many numbers she can call to have advice, and there will be an underlying problem to her drinking, so maybe she could see a councillor to discuss the issues? good luck and take care

Icarus Trust
30 Jan 2017

I'm so sorry to read your post and that you have no one to talk to about this.  There are people you could talk with who would understand what you're living through at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for the friends and family of addicts. We have a service called 'Family Friends' who are experienced,  trained and you could talk with if you got in touch. Sometimes its just good to talk and it may help you to find a way forward.
You can contact us on or visit the website
All the best. I hope you can find some support.

4 Feb 2017

Thank you Sianny25 for your reply.  I was having a really low moment last week and needed to vent. 
Not that things are any better this week but I'm not feeling like I need to throw mugs at a wall!
she has been a 'drinker' for years, unfortunately it got worse 3-4 years ago. We've gone through withdrawal fits, D.Ts - which put her in intensive care, bad bruising and broken bones from falls. I say we've gone through it because she doesn't remember any of it. I'm the one who witnesses all of these awful things.
She's gone through all types of therapy- came out of meetings and got drunk.
I'd do anything to make her stop but I know her. If I put her out, she would get into a dangerous situation . 
I couldn't live with myself knowing I had a hand in that.  I feel for your father. I completely understand the feeling of loyalty and responsibility. Even if they don't deserve it. They are the person we once loved deeply and they loved us. To see this person crumble away , being ruled by a bottle is heart breaking.  We all give good advice to each other ...In our hearts we know what we should do to make our own lives better..But we can't do it. We can't turn our backs on the person we once knew.  Your dad won't leave your mum, the same way I won't leave my partner. But something you could do would be to invite him over for dinner or out for a walk..and NOT talk about her.  Your mum is on his mind 24/7 having an hour or 2 away from her helps to recharge the batteries and help him cope with the next episode.

4 Feb 2017

Thank you to the person at incarus trust who responded. I will keep your details and contact the trust if I'm brave enough to ever say these things out loud to another person

Icarus Trust
6 Feb 2017

Hi BlueButterfly
I hope that you give speaking to someone a try and get comfort and support from it.
All the very best to you.

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