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Pandora's box

Posted by Broken Mum on 5 January 2017.

"Knowledge is power" or so I have always thought, but her I am - head in hands, wishing I could somehow 'unknow' something I discovered by violating my daughter's privacy.
To provide some context, my daughter left home 4 years ago to embark on a journalism degree. Winning prizes for free-lance work during the first year of her studies, I was convinced that her path in life was set. Always a quiet and reserved individual and being 200 miles from home, I was glad that my daughter had made friends and was socialising, but it started to become apparent that socialising meant binge drinking and her second year at Uni resulted in her being removed from the course. Promising me that she had learnt her lesson, she enrolled onto a less academic course at the same university. Since then she has continued to party hard. When she came home at Christmas I noticed a subtle change in her behaviour - so subtle that I can't explain it in words.
Concerned, I did something that many (including myself)  would see as unforgivable; I accessed her Facebook account!
So here I am not knowing what to do next.  It is apparent that my beautiful and talented daughter has not only been drinking but she has now also started taking coke and other class A drugs along with a range of legal highs. 
I have considered a variety of options - including calling the police and letting them know the names of her suppliers, but to do that without talking to her first would be wrong. As I'm typing this, I know that I really need to open a dialogue, but to do so would mean explaining how I came by this information. Right now I am in turmoil and would welcome any advice. I desperately want to discuss this with my husband, but if the knowledge causes him a fraction of the pain that I am feeling I couldn't bear it and he would also condemn my actions. What can I do??


Icarus Trust
24 Jan 2017

Thank you for sharing your story. I really feel for you having that knowledge about your daughter and not being able to share it with anyone.
If you would like to talk to someone who would understand please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people who are dealing with the impact of a loved one's addiction. You could be out in touch with one of our experienced, trained volunteers and talking  may help you to find a way forward.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I wish you all the best.

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