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Secret Drinking

Posted by Floobinjabin12 on 25 December 2017.

Today is Christmas, I saw my mum dissapear upstairs into the study before the rest of our family arrived and followed her there to find her drinking from a bottle of wine that she had stashed in the laundrey basket in there. A few weeks ago I found her drinking port in the back pantry area which she quickly tried to hide behind the bin. I have in the past found alcohol hidden in this area as well as others, such as her sock drawer, but she rarely actually gets flat out drunk. She has a fair bit of anxiety and I suspect that she has been depressed in the past and she seems to use the alcohol as a way to get through family events or when she is feeling down. I don't know if this is a behaviour to worry about overly or not. I have talked to my dad about it and he tends to dissmiss it as everyone likes a drink now and then, and when they are just drinking wine with dinner she doesnt ever drink to excess so it doesnt seem like she has a dependency on alcohol. But the weird behaviour and the secrecy and the hiding and lying about it really worries me. Its the secrecy and the hiding and not really being sure when she has had a drink or not that I find to be worrying behaviour. I know lots of people like to have a drink while cooking etc, but they don't sneak off to drink extra by themselves and hide the wine in a laundry basket and pretend they were just looking for another present when you ask them what they are doing? Am I over reacting? and if not what do I do to help her?


Icarus Trust
2 Jan 2018

Thank you for posting and sharing your concern aboput your mum's drinking.
I know you have spoken to your dad but if you don't have any one else to share your worry with please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people affected by other people's drinking or drug use. We have people you could talk with in confidence, who would understand how you are feeling. This is a free service.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I hope that this helps.

14 Jan 2018

My mum does this too and it worries me. My dad died over a year ago and she lives in another country and I know she drinks a lot because of the messages I receive. She denies it though. And when she stays with me she often sneaks alcohol. She also has anxiety and sleep issues probably stemming from my dad’s death.

13 Mar 2018

Hi. My mum has been doing this for the entire 35 years that I’ve been alive and can remember it from as early on as I can remember. She will actually avoid/decline alcohol in public so it never fitted with alcoholism that you see on TV. Your dad is right, occasional drinking is nothing to worry about but that’s not what’s going on here. The secrecy shows that your mother is ashamed of her actions. Shame comes from knowing you’re doing something you shouldn’t be. I’d love to give you some really helpful advice but I’ve not found a solution for my mother in 35 years. Your mother needs to acknowledge her problem first. You could try letting her know that you’re aware of the situation and will be there to support her if she wants to get help, but her shame may mean she’ll just feel uncomfortable talking to you. 

I suppose what I’m trying to say is only she can tackle this issue, but I don’t think you’re over-reacting.

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