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son's increasing drug use

Posted by debz2 on 8 February 2015.

my son has had drug use issues for some time ( aprox 4 years). He has also suffered from depression and anxiety issues. My first husband committed suicide when my son was only 7 years old.
Recently my son had an episode of aggression and violence following frequent heroin use followed by a benzodiazepine binge ( I think he took this to help him with withdrawal). We tried to cope with him, but after 24 hours we eventually had to call the police. He had smashed up several things in the house including  2 doors  and assaulted both his stepdad and myself.
He was remanded in custody for 4 weeks until his trial. Over the first 3 weeks he improved greatly looking healthier and more lucid than I had seen him in years, and he was keen for change. He then saw the psychiatrist - he had to have a report for the court. Something happened then, he seemed to spiral down and become depressed, or could he have got hold of dugs in the young offenders institute? The psychiatrists report stated that he did not have any mental health issues and was not addicted to drugs ( something we find unbelievable)
He was released on 18 months community payback, having to attend a social worker and drug counselling. We were keen for him to go to rehab and are willing to pay for this. He went for a visit but this did not go well. The following day he had his first Social worker attendance but he failed to attend, by the time we got home he was completely off his head on drugs. Since then he seems to have been using very heavily and was in a terrible state on Friday when he was supposed to attend a housing meeting he failed to turn up at the social worker yet again. I worry he will go back to jail because of his refusal/inability to attend. He also seems to have hit the "self destruct" button and he has talked about taking his own life, I worry he will overdose. I took him to the doctor but he came out with antacids only, so I do not think he told the doctor about his mental state. Every time I knock on his door to ask if he is ok I am terrified I will not get a reply. There appears to be no help for my son or ourselves. No-one wants to help us and I cannot stop my son going deeper and deeper into his drug use. I fear for his life and our safety if he comes out f this binge.


9 Feb 2015

Hi Debz2, feel your worry and pain hun, been there with my son.. just the word Heroin sends shivers down my spine, how it can rob are kids and us of everything.. How is your son paying for his drug's? I'm ashamed to say I actually gave my son money at times, so he wouldn't commit crime, or I couldn't  see him ill, he played me like a fiddle : ( So your lad convinced the shrink theres no problem, easily done, most of them live on another planet..prison shrinks really dont care!!! My son's doing 10yrs in prison now Deb, all because he was a slave to Heroin and crack cocaine. Your living what i call a nightmare, and i wish i could help you, i really do.. the only bit of advice i can give you is don't enable him, don't allow him to take up your every thought, be firm but always let him know you love him. your just not willing to live in his world of drugs.. It is the hardest thing for a mother to watch her child waste away in front of her, and for us to feel so helpless and to be told they can only help themselves, I never really got my head round that one !! In my prayers Fiona xx

Icarus Trust
10 Feb 2015

Hi Debz
What a horrible time you are having. I am so sad to read your story.
There is help available to you. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which tries to support friends and families of addicts. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our 'Family Friends'.  These are trained volunteers who have had lots of experience of what you are going through. Talking with one of them might help you and, also they can sign post you to other services that may help your son.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I do hope that you can get the help and support that you need. Good luck!

11 Feb 2015

Hi, Debz....your son sounds like mine did...and fifi is bang on...don't enable him...that means being firm, and laying ground rules if he's st home...I'm sure like the rest of us, he is draining you and having an I pact on the son has been in recovery since end of June last year...he has had several relapses and today I took him for extra counselling  (an appointment he made because he knew he was struggling) may take him a while , but once you stop enabling ,you stop adding to the drug taking...sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before they get help....I constsntly told my son I would be there when he was ready, but to not bother me until that day....bloody heart breaking, and then he called saying he had got a job and started counselling and alcohol n drug help..if they want to stop, then they will with my friend Fiona, hope all is well, and your son is doing ok....hugs to all xxx

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