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What do I do?

Posted by 36andexhausted on 6 January 2018.

I left my last relationship with someone that was sexually abusive, aged 30 after 10 years together. Myself, and my two beautiful children lost everything and started again. I re-met a childhood friend, an embarked on a relationship that is, 7 years later, destroying me. He is intelligent, witty, and my soul mate. While we've been together, he has been unfaithful for a period of a year, been unemployed for a year, been emotionally distant, and put me in 30k of debt. His drinking fluctuates. It used to be shots of neat spirits from 9am. Now, it's wine after work, but a LOT of it, and i've just learned anything up to half a bottle of whisky after I go to bed. He's admitted to regularly driving with my children in the car while he's over the limit. After 7 years of pleading, he's just got himself referred for counselling. He has nobody other than my children and I (that is not an exaggeration). He has no other relationships in his life, as he shuts out everyone, and always has. A massive part of me wants to run away and leave, but practically I can't as he made me take his debt in my name so I can't afford to pay it alone and live. Also, as he's so emotionally dependent, I feel selfish for not wanting to support him as i'm all he has. If I tell him to leave, he won't as he has nowhere to go and is entirely dependent both practically and emotionally. I'm not equipped to deal with a future with this man, sober or not, and can't get out without destroying my children's lives again. He's 6ft 2. I'm 5ft 3. He has been physically abusive after drinking, but the emotional abuse is worse. He laughs at me, taunts me, ignores me...then the next day cries, apologises, and inevitably does it again. No idea where to start with getting my life back.


8 Jan 2018

Hi 36andexhausted

Thanks for sharing your story and we're very sorry to hear of your difficult situation and experiences you have had. 

We would recommend contacting the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for information and advice. This line is free and confidential and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

Furthermore if you ever feel you are in immediate danger you should ring 999. 

Please feel free to drop us an email at if you had any further questions about other services you might be able to contact. 

Best wishes,

Icarus Trust
24 Jan 2018


I really hope that you have been able to get some help.
Just to let you know that The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the family and friends who are dealing with a loved ones's addictive behaviour. If you contact us you could get some free support. Talking through how you are feeling with one of our experienced trained people might be of  help. 
You can contact us on or visit the website
All the best.

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