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confused and heart broken

Posted by vejar on 1 December 2014.

Hi,I am 36 yrs old I am a mother of three . My oldest is 20 yrs old  and I have been married for 13 yrs .  He is not my oldest father . my sons father died when he was 8 yrs old of cancer.My husband had a cocaine addiction he would do it almost every Friday after a few beers . he was always very calm and didn't bother us at all ,so I learned to live with it. In 2009 I finally got tired of it. didn't want him to die since he was getting older.  He is now gonna be 43 this month . I left him  we separated. after a few months he promised me he would do anything to get back with me . I accepted him back and ever since he has been clean  we now own our home  and are doing good together.My problem now is my son  he started smoking marijuana at 17 we would argue  and fight I would find it and throw it away but h e would get it from school some how . he made it through high school. He is now 20 yrs old  no job  doesn't live anywhere . he has stolen from  my mom my husband ,his uncle, his aunt. and only comes around for money . I finally convince him to call the doctor and get help . And as soon as he gets the phone he starts telling them that its because he grew up in a bad home where there was drugs and abuse. I  know he  was in a home where there was drugs but I never did any and I always tried  to hide it from him   as much as I could  I never abused him . It hurts me so bad because I just want to help him but,he is truing to hurt me  . he said he would have the state take my girls and I know it would be hard to do so since my girls are not in the situation he was when younger. I know my huge mistake was to stay with my husband . but I didn't want to let him die . I am very confused and heart broken . I know my son is trying to blame me for all of his bad choices and I had been so strong  until he  threaten to accuse me  of been a horrible parent for staying with my husband  so they could take my girls from me .


Icarus Trust
2 Dec 2014

Hi Vejar
It must be very hard for you to see how  your son is living his life. You should feel proud that you have supported your family so well and are right to feel that he is trying to blame you for his bad choices and .
It might help you to talk to someone who knows what you are going through. The Icarus Trust is a charity that could provide you with an experienced trained volunteer who you could talk to. They have lots of experience of supporting people who are having to deal with addiction in their family and can help you by talking or by signposting you to other help if you need it.
You can contact us on or visit the website
This is a free service so it might  be worth giving it a try so you can have some help and support for yourself.

3 Dec 2014

Hey Vejar.....circumstances don't help but your son is classic..blaming everyone but himself....time and time again I read from other parents how their kids blame's a cop outs! My son did it, made me feel useless, and he never saw drug use in our house..your girls WILL NOT be taken off you and that's fact! So stop worrying...your husband has changed, and Social services will see strong Hunni,and never stop believing you did your best.....hugs xxxx

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