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is my dad back on herion? what shall I do?

Posted by krissykris on 16 June 2014.

hey, I'd really like to talk to someone I can relate to, or can relate to me, for advice and support, anything would be greatly appreciated. I'm a 21 year old woman and my father is a herion addict, im not sure how it all started as i was too young, im not sure when hes clean or not as I don't see him often enough.  my mum split from my dad when I was 3, and she never let him know where we lived. I pinned for him for years and years, demanding my mum call him, consistantly asking for him,calling him myself (often with no reaponse) only seeing him very occasionaly, maybe once every few years. eventually when I was 11 my mum told me my dad was on herion. and it was the most painful thing still to this day I'd ever heard. because you know when loved ones pass away theres sometimes almost a kind of peacefulness, and you can fully comprehend why they're no longer with you. whereas having someone you love soo much who loves you soo much being absent because of something like drug addiction its hard to find peace and it doesn't stop hurting. I hated him for years. I'm sorry to say I wished he was dead at points when I was younger because then I couldn't understand why he wasn't there, why he couldn't just stop the drugs and love me back, be my dad, because honestly despite how young I was, i really fought to have contact with him. and the lack of fight in return I took as a rejection and i just really didn't take it well. It's very different today, I don't hate my dad, I don't wishhe was dead. I look at the lack of the quality of life he's had, and how he's never made anything of himself despite being a smart artistic individual and it just makes me feel heart broken and I want to encourage and support him to a better, happier quality of life. last I saw him was a few months ago and it pains me to see how much he's hurting. I thought he was clean and id been calling him for emotional support as I was having big personal problems and he really really did help me with advice. but when I saw him his pupils were very restricted, he was sweating quite profoundly  after spending a few hours with me, when I call him over the past few weeks hes been asleep or in bed mid day and his speech is very slurred. he also makes up silly lies. I love him. I regret being such a little bitch at times when I was younger. I owe it to my smart funny loving dad to at least try and support and help him. but I need to know what shall I do? how can I tell for sure he's back on it? how can I speak to him about it? should I speak to him about it? is there any organisations that can help and or advise me? does anyone have any advice or tips? thanks if anybody did read.


29 Jun 2014

Hi there, I read your post and just had to comment. I can't completely relate to you as it's my ex partner that's the addict and not one of my parents. but when I read your post it made me so sad as we have children together and I worry so much about the effect all this has on them, and will continue to have as they grow up. Firstly let me say you sound like an intelligent level headed lovely young woman and your dad is very lucky to have a daughter like you :) Quite honestly if he is using again, and from my experiences it does sound like he may be, there isn't a whole lot you can do for him. After many years of trying to help my ex you eventually come to realise that an addict really will only get better, and stay that way, if they honestly truly want to. All you can do is be there for him if he needs it, an ear if he needs to talk that sort of thing. You could confront him, he may tell you the truth he may lie. You can offer to help him find support if he wants it through things like Addaction, a rehab clinic, the gp. but then it's up to him. Sometimes we have to just accept that this is the hand we were dealt. Your dad may never be 'normal', but just let him know you love him and are there for him and hopefully he can get back on track and continue to be a support to you like you said he was a while back and be the best dad to you that he is able to be. He sounds like a lovely person, despite his addiction. My ex is also very intelligent and artistic and loves his children to bits. There are lots of dads out there who don't even have an addiction and are absolutely useless fathers who couldn't give a stuff about their kids. Remember that. and do not ever feel bad for the way you felt, acted, things you might have said when you were younger, it is such a lot to cope with and they are completely normal things to go through when someone you love is an addict.

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