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Lost and alone

Posted by Anni on 8 January 2017.

I have been with my husband for 5 years we have a son and married only 5 months ago. My husband is addicted to cocaine and I don't no which way to turn. It all started a couple of months before our wedding and I noticed a complete change in his behaviour. At the time we were living with my parents and they too had noticed a change in his behaviour and were very worried about it. He was working late hours and would then come home and not sleep all night long and be in and out of the house all night. Everything came to a head the weekend before our wedding when he finally admitted he had been taking cocaine he said he had no idea why he had done this and it would all stop.
After our wedding we had a few days off together and all was great but as soon as he went back to work he started again. Things have now spiralled out of control. We do nothing but argue, I am so worried about losing our house. He has taken out loans credit cards and overdrafts. I have taken a loan out to pay off debts as he has let dealers know where we live. 
He went to one NA meeting and did 18 days without anything. In those 18 days I had the person I fell in love with back and we had no arguments but he has gone back to taking it again. 
 I love him so much but I cannot live this way anymore my parents have no idea about his drug use and I feel embarrased as we only just got married. When he has taken drugs he is so paranoid and he has accused me of having affairs with two of his friends. 
My son is the most important thing to me and i know this situation is not good for him or me. I think the best thing is for me to leave my husband but then i worry so much as I know he will be much worse without me and I worry he will end up dead.
I'm so confused and need some help and advice.


Icarus Trust
24 Jan 2017

Thank you for posting your story which I was sad to read. This must be so difficult for you to live with. 
Please contact us at The Icarus trust. We are a charity that provides support for people like yourself who are having to live with the impact of a loved one's addiction. We offer a free service called family Friends and you could be put in touch with one of these, our trained experienced volunteers. Talking with someone who would understand what you are dealing with may help you to know what to do next.
You can contact us on or visit the website
Good luck with everything.

2 Feb 2017

Hi Lost and Alone, 
my name is Donna, i too am married to a man who puts cocaine infront of everything. We have been married 16 years. I love him to pieces, but our life has been nothing but misery. He is not a daily user. He binges. Sometimes for 4/5 days at a time. I will not tolerate that stuff in the house so he goes out with his druggy friends to their flat to take coke. He also frequents pubs. He is selfish and self absorbed. Has hurt me endless amounts of times. Has been to prison 3 times during our marriage. I am still here 16 years later, he has had periods where the use has not been so bad and everything gets good again. Then he slips and he is doing it every week, 3 x a week in straight days. Affecting his job, us, our two boys and our finances. It is an evil drug. I dont understand the allure of it as i dont take it. He has had two affairs and caused me heartache after heartache. Get out, dont stay for your son. My 15 year old hates his father, as he sits and watches what he does to me, week in week out. I am going to blog now so reply to me if you want. Good luck.

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