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Relationship breakdown through drugs

Posted by Kf on 7 September 2014.

Heroin has taken over my life for the last 8 years and I am not the user. It has taken away the only man I ve ever loved and turned him into an unrecognisable person that just makes up lies after lies. I ended our 8 year relationship on the 2nd of August when I fled for myself and my sons safety after he domestically assaulted me after I found drugs in our home. Since then he has assaulted me for a second time when I went to collect some of my belongings, luckily I had a third party present during this incident and a voice recording as evidence as he accused me of trying to push him downstairs. He  has currently been charged for assault on me and is waiting for it to go to court. The last few weeks have not been easy I had planned a two week holiday in Spain with my little boy to visit relatives to celebrate his 4th birthday, my ex partner involved the police and accused me of child abduction which he then took to his lawyer and I was served with a writ by the courts to surrender our passports and a court date for child abduction was set for the end of August when we were supposed to be abroad. Angry doesn't come close as to how I felt this was booked for his birthday and my ex knew this, he also knew we would be returning also to add to this his dad completely ignored his birthday and did not bother his arse to wish our little boy a happy birthday but sent me numerous abusive texts the day before and after  his birthday. We have a mortgage so this makes everything just that little bit harder but I have just had to put the mortgage to the back of my mind at the moment and focus on my wee boy, court cases etc. I have a child welfare hearing this week because I am refusing him contact with our son. My lawyer has proposed a letter to his lawyer saying I would be happy to him having contact with our son supervised in a family mediation centre. I think this is acceptable given he has a drug problem and the safety of my son comes first but I also want my son to have a relationship with his dad it's only fair. Anyway he has stated he wants our son 4 days and I should have him 3 days and I think this is what he is going to ask for at court. I'm worried he can manipulate the sheriff just like he manipulates others. I didn't expect things to get messy so quick but they have. Social work are on my side and have said if any unsupervised access was granted to him they would be stepping in and a child protection case would be going ahead however on the other hand if  I was granted what I wanted  which is supervised access they had assured me there is no need for social work involvement. They are pleased with me safeguarding our little boy and excersising my parental rights. Woman's aid have categorized me as a high risk for physical, mental and emotional abuse which goes against him. Police reports also go against him. So it's looking good for me but still I can't help but worry, I know what my ex is like. Wondered if anyone' has been through the whole court battles over child access that can give me some advice/assistance  and if there is anything else I can do ect


7 Sep 2014

No child should be subjected to seeing a parent being violent to have done the right. Thing, and as hard as it is for you, keeping those kids safe is your priority...and keeping yourself safe too! Please try and get some counselling / support for yourself....until your partner wants to help himself, then leave him to it....I am a parent of an alcohol/ meat/ cocaine/ legal highs son.....I have seen first hand how it can effect children.... I made it my mission to make sure my grandson was the moment had is on the road to recovery and has had 1 relapse in 8 weeks...he has found himself a job, but every day is a struggle and we know that...the biggest change is being there for his son....I hope you continue to find the strength and stick to keeping you all safe...addiction is a horrid illness, that takes away e person we loved, replacing it with a person who lies, steal, and is abusive .......hugs x

14 Sep 2014

Hi KF,

I can't even begin to understand how this all feels, you are such a fighter!  There is somewhere you can get lots of help and support, and that is The Icarus Trust.  You will have a family friend to speak to, and they can sign post you to the right counsellor.  You can contact them via email on or visit the website at  It's free of charge and they are fantastic.

I wish you all the best.

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