We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
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Posted by kelly6714 on 11 August 2014.
This is my first time posting here but i have no one to talk to who understands and need to vent. The tears fall as i write this. I met my boyfriend 11 years ago at the time i had no idea he was addicted to heroin. We fell in love he was my solemate. A year after we were together i came down on christmas morning to find we had been burgled. My boyfriend sat with me as i reported it to the police. I was so looking foward to him opening his gifts. Boxing day i noticed the lino slightly lifted i pulled it back and found a stash of needles. We argued, he said they were old... i accused him of stealing and selling the xmas presents he hit me over the head with a broom cracking it open. He was arrested charged and put on a drug reabilitation order which involved weekly drug tests. I kept in contact with him he showed me the results and over time i trusted him. We got back together after a happy year our first daughter came along eight years later our second daughter who has just turned one. Yes you see for 10 years we have been blissfully happy holidays abroad no drugs nothing a normal happy family. Then he had a night out slept with another girl i was hurt and mad but i forgave him. Things carried on a week later he was putting the washing away amd my world ended right then amd there i.saw a needle pokeing out from inside his sock. I yelled i screamed i begged. He said the guilt of what he did caused a relapse that it was a one off. I knew deep down i couldnt have that around the children so i called his boss.said we were having problems arranged for him to stay there. He txt saying he loves me hes not useing hes sorry. This weekend i allowed him to come see the children again he promised he was clean. His pupils were small he blamed it on the light, he didnt eat he claimed hed eaten his mouth was dry he claimed he was thirsty and i believed him i always.do because i love him. He left sunday morning claiming he needed to.feed his bosses cat and promised our 8 and 1 year old he would be back he text me through out the day saying he was coming he was just sorting washing just doing this just doing that. At nine pm last night i put my dissapointed girls to bed and phoned him. He.was slurring he said he said he doesnt have a drug problem but that he tried to kill himself because seeing the girls made him realise what hes lost. Even then i told him u could have us back if you leave the drugs alone. He is fantastic at turning things back round on me making me feel bad. He messaged me today at 12.30 to say he hates me yesterday at 8pm he said he loves me. He sent a message saying i want u and the girls back i replied come home.then (i just want him safe) his reply no i hate you im high its your fault i want to die. His phone has been off ever since. So here i am sat at home surrounded by all our things with his children not knowing if hes alive or dead. Im sat here still stupidly believeing he doesnt have a drug problem and i can save him my heart cant let go of the man i love off the drugs my brain that knows that he has chosen drugs over us and i believe the guilt of that is to much for him. I wish i could hate him but u see i cant i love him more everyday. Losing to someone to drugs is like grieveing for the person that was there before.
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