What should I do?

Adfam Conference 2012

Is it my fault?

Many family members, and especially parents, ask themselves if something they have done has caused drug/alcohol use, and commonly experience guilt. Many regret past actions or reactions. However it is vital to remember that the user is responsible for the choices they make and for their behaviour, including whether they use drugs and alcohol. Only users themselves can make the choice to use drugs, and only they can decide to stop.

In the same way, families and friends of users are responsible for their own choices and behaviour too, which can in turn have influence on the user. Behaviour can be:

• Inadvertently helpful, such as giving a user money knowing they will spend it on drugs/alcohol. This is called enabling.
• Helpful and supportive, such as offering love and encouragement when a user is trying to stop or enter treatment.

For further explanation of what you and the user are going through and how to deal with it, see our section how can I cope with their behaviour?

Many services offering support to families have ‘been there’ themselves and understand the particular issues you are facing; this is how Adfam started out in 1984. Finding a support group can help you come to terms with your thoughts, or you can read other people’s stories - or even tell your own.